Sports of the Nation's Capital and the Czech Republic

Mike Green met with Shanaban on Friday for a disciplinary meeting about Mike Green playing hockey on Thursday night. “You just can’t do it anymore, Mike,” Shanaban said, “Hitting has not been allowed in the NHL since 2004.” Mike Green, showing his frustration with the NHL becoming the National non-Hitting League, manned up on Thursday and did what everyone attempting to play hockey should do: Play Hockey.

Ever since the lockout of 2004-2005, the NHL has not allowed hockey to be played. To reiterate, hitting has been decreased. If you really look at it, the NHL no longer exists. With the NHL being non-existent, NHL executives like Shanaban should not be able to tell Mike Green if he can play or not. But then again, hockey is not even being played. This is like floor hockey in gym class in high school (Keep the stick below your waste, no slap shots, and don’t concuss anyone). What I’m trying to say is that the NHL has evolved so much that Alex Semin is one of the best players despite not being able to hit. This is insane.

But back to what I was talking about. Mike Green has been told that he can not partake in the National-floor Hockey League this weekend. It’s a shame, because he was the only one in our PE class who knew how to play defense. Now we must face the Boston Ruins with the fat kid protecting our goalie (until he gets injured and the gym teacher hops in and plays).

“Mike violated the rules of the Non Hitting League last night by touching Brett Connolly. As you can see, Green sees Brett Connolly with his eyes, decides to hit him and then proceeds to do so. We cannot have this in the NHL.” Shanaban said. “Not to mention the fact that I am biased towards some hockey teams. If Mike Green was playing on the Red Wings, we would have been able to overlook this. However, the Caps have not won the cup, let alone 11 Stanley Cups. Therefore, they have no respect in our eyes so we must make the season harder on them. Just wait until Backstrom comes back and gets suspended for being left handed in the NHL,” Shanaban said as Gary Bettman ran in the room to silence him.

“You know, Mike is a dirty player. We all knew this from the start, you know. The reason his, you know, abdomen was injured was because he, you know, hurt it. And now he accidentally elbowed someone’s face, you know. We’ll be all right. He’s day to day. It’s just a maintenance day/skate issue.” Dale Hunter said.

So in conclusion, the NHL no longer exists. And Mike Green is banned from playing in it.

-Poke Czech

Hamrlik will likely get the start on Saturday against the Boston Ruins.

Tonight could be an incredible night for our Caps or it could be a disaster. This evening we have Tampa Gay, Florida’s team in town at Verizon center in a contest for 2 points in the standings. This game could either move the Caps up to 8th (if everything goes right with the rest of the league) or fall to 10th in the standings. Also, Steven “I have blonde hair” Stamkos has a chance to get his 50th goal tonight in DC. If any caps players are reading this, I cannot stress how important it is that this doesn’t happen. Karl Alzner appears to get the message as he addressed the issue earlier today, “I think he’s sucked his game to not just that overrated status, but to that liberal elite [status], like when [Ovechkin] had 65 goals,” said Caps defenseman Karl Alzner, arch-enemies with Stamkos at the 2008 World Chess Championship. I appreciate Alzner’s passion for chess and hockey, hopefully he brings it tonight and scores at least 4 goals (like we all know he is capable of). But not so fast, Stamkos fired back with this comment ”There are a lot of shitty players in this League and when you’ve played in the League for a while, people pick up on things like how bad Karl Alzner is at chess and hockey.”. Woah woah woah. Not cool, Steven. First off, Karl is so talented at chess and makes it look so easy, but I guess the hockey comment is justified. Guy Boucher even put in his two cents about the Alzner-Stamkos debate, ”He’s taken this quest of becoming a complete chess player and a winner very, very seriously and that’s why he’s benefitting from checking kings from all angles, all kinds of situations — whether it’s a breakaway, two-on-one, wraparound, screen, tip, jam. He does it all. He’s good at hockey too, I guess. Look at my scar, we are the underdogs”. Hopefully tonight Karl Alzner can stop Stamkos for his love of the game of chess and so Stamkos doesn’t get his 50th goal at Verizon Center.

Predictions:

• Alex Ovechkin turns the puck over twice in the neutral zone and 3 times in the offensive zone. Look for Ovi to get a point or two in the third period.
• Guy Boucher will speak with a french accent to his players
• Alex Semin (@badsasha28) will have 1 goal tonight and 1 penalty.
• Tomas Vokoun (@TomasVokoun29) will shut out the Tampa Gay Lightning tonight and celebrate International Women’s day accordingly by “banging” several women after the game.
• Final Score: Caps Take an important win at home vs a homosexual team trailing them in the standings, 3-0. You heard it here first.

-Poke Czech

Just as the title says. The Caps took it to OT, and then had another defensive breakdown and the Canes scored. It’s a real shame that Carolina has no shot at the playoffs, because they haven’t been sucking recently.

Meanwhile, the Caps earned a much needed point (However, they needed two points ever more than one). They play Tampa on Thursday at home, and it actually is a must win. We mean it this time.

I’m putting it on Ovi, Laich, Sasha, Green, and Wideman to score and win these games for us. They must show up tomorrow against Tampa.

The Caps have 70 points in the Eastern Conference. As we’ve said before, this beautiful season for the Caps is destined for 8th in the Eastern Conference, which will require about 92 points. That means 11 wins out of the last 16 games. It can be done.

-Poke Czech

Two Canes players have sex on the ice, while Perreualt skates by.

Don't we want that kid's dad to re-adopt him?