Archive for March, 2012

Caps Shove a Broom Down Canada’s Throat

The score was 3-2. The second time in two games that Washington has won in a shootout by the score of 3-2.
“I couldn’t decide who to start tonight, so I asked Ovi,” says Coach Hunter.
“I tell him start Neuvy or go fuck himself,” says Ovi.

-Matt Perreault started out the scoring on a magnificent pass from Sasha Semin.
-Then Jay Beagle decided to convert Montreal from Buddhism by scoring a second goal.
-Then Montreal tied it.
-It went to the shootout.
-Hendricks scored.
-Canadiens did not.
-Sasha scored. He’s the man.

“I like be the best on ice in shootout.” says Semin. “It good feeling to be wanted by Caps fan.”

Worth Noting:
-Neuvirth was the man tonight, stopping 38 of 40 shots. An article to come about why having Holtby in DC makes Neuvy play better
-The Buddha desires to win, which is why he isn’t winning.
-The Caps are now 2 points ahead of Buffalo for the 8th seed, and two points behind Florida for the SE division (who we play later this week).
-Feels great to be a Caps fan tonight.
-Backstrom came back, and he was pretty good.

On another note, failed. They said Ovi scored in the shootout, when Hendricks was the one who scored. If you check now, it’s been corrected, but us here at Poke Czech know the truth.


-Poke Czech


Caps Knock Down Tim Thomas – Win 3-2

The title says it all. The Caps skated up to Thomas, faked a shot, he fell pathetically and the rest is history. He also fell in the tunnel, but more on that later.

“I don’t believe in the Obama curse,” said Timothy Thomas. “Mainly because he sucks, which is why I didn’t want to meet him. Didn’t want to run off on me, but then again, Barack sucks. I have no idea what I am saying.”


-The first and second period basically didn’t exist.

-Wideman scored the Caps first goal – assisted by Ovi.

-Mojo-Jojo scored the second Caps goal on a beautiful pass from Ovi.

-Then the Bruins tied it.

-Tim Thomas fell “on his butt.”

-Caps win.

-Tim Thomas falls again. We blame Tuuka Rask and Zdeno Chara.


Worth Noting:

-Tomas Vokoun reinjured his balls.

-Ovi had two points.

-Tim Thomas strained his butt or something.

-The Obama Curse lives on — Tim Thomas has not beat the Caps in Boston since refusing to meet President Obama.

Obama Curse: Anyone who refuses to meet Obama, is named Tim, and plays for Boston, will not win at home against Washington as long as they are a goalie. Switching positions voids the curse.

-Poke Czech





Capitals GM George McPhee in His Prime

Scratch That – Holtby Sucks. Caps demolished 5-1.

The next person who tells you that Sasha doesn’t care is stupid, considering Sasha is the only one who cared tonight.
And the next person to tell you Holtby is good can go to hell.

Caps lose. 5-1. Playoff hopes are slim.

-Poke Czech


John Carlson’s Unsuccessful Ball Kick on Holtby

“We’re playing good now, and I’m trying to make this season as hard as possible on us.” said Caps d-man, John Carlson. “I like to hurt our goalies whenever they are playing good. If I can’t, I kick in a puck. Expect me to kick in a goal tonight.”

“My balls are fine.” Caps goalie prospect, Braden Holtby said. “Carlson caught me earlier in the locker room, but luckily I was wearing my cup already. That guys a real jerk.”

It’s worth noting that the Caps best goalie, Tomas Vokoun, is still sidelined with a ball injury. He was kicked by Carlson about a month ago, and he strained his balls during a game against Winnipeg when Carlson punched his testicles.

“Yeah, you know, Carly is an ok guy, but he needs to stop punching our goalies in the balls, you know. I expect Holts to play tonight. I looked at his balls, and they seem fine.” said Dale Hunter after the morning skate today. “He should be good to go. Neuvy would be playing, but he has a little testicle soreness and swelling.”

Despite rumors that Carlson is planning to hit Ovechkin in the balls, he says he has no intentions. “Nah, I don’t plan on breaking his balls. Mainly because he’d kill me, but also because I am waiting until the playoffs to do it.” Carlson remarked. “Neuvy, Vokes and Holts are all pushovers. I can hit their balls all the time and no one cares.”

Braden Holtby is expected to start tonight, despite this morning’s trauma. They face off against Buffalo at 7 in the Verizon Center.

-Poke Czech


Holtby isn’t terrible? Caps tame Wild, win 3-0.

Despite falling one goal short of getting all Caps fans discounted pizza tomorrow, the Caps played well tonight. Semin played good, Ovi played good, and Holtby got a shutout.


– Semin and Chimmer started the scoring off early by bringing it into the zone, and essentially murdering the beast (The Minnesota Wild) early. Semin set up Chimmer, which was a magnificent play.

-Then Knuble deflected the puck of the play accidentally and the Caps got a powerplay. I like the way things are going for us now.

-Ovi passes to Brouwer, who takes it in the zone, and then he proceeds to make the cross-crease pass to Perreault, who makes it 2-0. Absolutely brilliant.

-Then, out of nowhere, Ovechkin grabs the puck when Mojo gets pinned against the boards. He takes it, uses the D-man as a screen, and shoots it five-hole. Goal. 9 goals in the last 7 games for him! And a 5 game goal scoring streak as well. Anyone who thinks Ovi doesn’t care, or isn’t what he used to be, can go back to hiding.

-Holtby gets the shutout and starts to slightly earn my respect, however, I still regard the goalies as the following: Vokoun > Neuvirth > Holtby.


Worth Noting:

-3rd shutout of Holtby’s career (They all came against bad teams though, so we’ll see what happens).

-Semin set up an assist, and then was criticized by a man who commits domestic violence (Mike Milbury).

-Ovi has a 5 game goal scoring streak.

-Dale Hunter got a new tie, in what will prove to be the highlight of this evening.

-Neuvirth is a little worried, one has to assume. It’s okay, though, he has his buddy, @tomasvokoun29, to comfort him.

-The Caps dressed 7 defensemen tonight, instead of playing Cody Eakin as a winger. Not a terrible decision.

-Florida lost in a shootout.

-Caps regained the 8th seed in the East with the win tonight.


“Yeah, we played pretty fucking great, you know,” says Caps coach, Dale Hunter, “You know, we deserved the, you know, two points. I didn’t know, you know, if Holtby would, you know, be good, but luckily, the Wild suck, you know.”

“I score goal, crowd cheers. It took me while to see this,” mentioned Caps captain, Alex Ovechkin, “I like fans cheer for me. I want to continue, so I score goal. I need score on Miller now.”


Ovechkin attempted to fly during this afternoon's game.


The Caps face off in DC against Buffalo on Tuesday. We need two more points.


-Poke Czech

Tomas Vokoun Loves Washington DC

Here’s a video.