Caps Get Screwed in Some Gay City in Manitoba. Lose 3-2.

Winnipeg decided not to suck tonight. Let me rephrase that. The Caps sucked tonight, and sucked ever more than usual, because the refs decided to openly rape them on the ice. It all started with a headshot to Mojo Jojo, and it all deteriorated from there.

“I’m pissed. I’m going to punch a ref,” Brooks Laich had to say as he walked towards a ref post game.

“It’s a bad game, because the refs tried to anally rape us. It wasn’t pretty,” recalled Dale Hunter.

“This is bad game. We lose. Not good. Uhh, I think we try hard. Refs try to sex us, and I only sex my tennis player girlfriend. Best. Ha ha. We need play harder to make playoffs. This is not rodeo,” says DC’s Commander in Chief, Alexander Ovechkin.

Sasha had no comment, as he is still working on Middle School English after he’s been here 7 years.


Caps lose to Winni-keg Jets (I’m calling them alcoholics). 3-2.

-Poke Czech

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