John Carlson’s Unsuccessful Ball Kick on Holtby

“We’re playing good now, and I’m trying to make this season as hard as possible on us.” said Caps d-man, John Carlson. “I like to hurt our goalies whenever they are playing good. If I can’t, I kick in a puck. Expect me to kick in a goal tonight.”

“My balls are fine.” Caps goalie prospect, Braden Holtby said. “Carlson caught me earlier in the locker room, but luckily I was wearing my cup already. That guys a real jerk.”

It’s worth noting that the Caps best goalie, Tomas Vokoun, is still sidelined with a ball injury. He was kicked by Carlson about a month ago, and he strained his balls during a game against Winnipeg when Carlson punched his testicles.

“Yeah, you know, Carly is an ok guy, but he needs to stop punching our goalies in the balls, you know. I expect Holts to play tonight. I looked at his balls, and they seem fine.” said Dale Hunter after the morning skate today. “He should be good to go. Neuvy would be playing, but he has a little testicle soreness and swelling.”

Despite rumors that Carlson is planning to hit Ovechkin in the balls, he says he has no intentions. “Nah, I don’t plan on breaking his balls. Mainly because he’d kill me, but also because I am waiting until the playoffs to do it.” Carlson remarked. “Neuvy, Vokes and Holts are all pushovers. I can hit their balls all the time and no one cares.”

Braden Holtby is expected to start tonight, despite this morning’s trauma. They face off against Buffalo at 7 in the Verizon Center.

-Poke Czech


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