Theory: Washington is the only team that can beat the Big, Disgusting Bruins


I know what you’re thinking: this is the best theory ever. Despite being the favorites to win the series on Wednesday, the Caps have a huge challenge at hand: preventing the Bruins from being repeat Stanley Cup Champions.

Here’s my logic: everyone besides the LA Kings, Boston Bruins, Washington Capitals and Philadelphia Flyers suck.

The way Round 1 has gone, Round 2 is looking like this:

-If the Caps win on Wednesday:

-Round 2-

#3 Florida versus #8 Ottawa

#5 Philadelphia versus #7 Washington

Having common sense, I know that Florida will not advance past this round. While Philly is tough, their goaltending humongously sucks and their defense is subpar.

Which leaves the Eastern Conference Final as this:

-Round 3-

#7 Washington hosting #8 Ottawa.

Playing two tough series against Boston and Philly earns the Caps a fairly easy Eastern Conference Final matchup.

Obviously, the Caps will win. The Caps will make the Stanley Cup finals IF they beat Boston.

-If the Caps lose on Wednesday:

-Round 2-

#2 Boston versus #8 Ottawa

#3 Florida versus #5 Philadelphia

Obviously Boston and Philly are moving on here, because Ottawa and Florida suck. I mean, they REALLYYYYYY suck.

-Round 3-

#2 Boston versus #5 Philadelphia

Boston is moving on here, let’s be honest. Claude Giroux can only play good for so long before he crumbles.

Oh, and Ilya Bryzgalov will choke. He’ll ALMOST blow the series against Florida, but Florida will choke in Game 7 blowing a 2-0 lead in the third period. Regardless, Ilya will never recover, and he’ll continue to choke against Boston, having Boston win in 6 games.

So, as you can see here, whoever wins on Wednesday will be the Eastern Conference Champion.

And who should we be concerned about on the West Coast?

Nashville, LA or Phoenix. St. Louis earns no respect, and rightfully so. Personally, I see Nashville moving on to the Stanley Cup, but LA or Phoenix will probably beat up on them first, significantly weakening them.

In this scenario, Boston or Washington will beat Nashville for the Stanley Cup.

Zdeno Chara or Alex Ovechkin will hoist the Stanley Cup this season.

“Yeah, if I can’t win it, I really fucking want the Caps to win it. They are a great team. I kinda feel bad we tried to hit Backstrom’s head, but fuck it, it’s the playoffs,” Zdeno Chara said after the Bruins Game 6 win in Washington.

Some Bruins player attempts to play footsie with Marcus Johansson.

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