Archive for May, 2012

Dale Hunter, Bruins, Concussions, and Underachieving.


For the first seven games of this season, the Caps looked like this might be their year. Then the Caps got lit up, didn’t score and the “fat fuck” got fired.

Enter Dale Hunter. He turned the team around.

Our dear, dear Nicklas Backstrom fell to a concussion in January at the hands of Renee Bourque, which is a girls name by the way. We got him back a couple games before we faced the big, disgusting Bruins.

Let’s not forget the Horn Guy being a bandwagon fan through a difficult month. He almost left us for Carolina.

The Horn Guy considered leaving Washington for Carolina.

Alex Semin made a music video about his love for DC and wanting to apologize for his bad penalties, which he significantly lowered immediately after his music video dropped.

Then Vokoun dropped a music video about his love for DC. Immediately after, he got hurt. We’ve moved on.

The Caps turn it around after a few nail biting months where we wondered if we’d even make the playoffs. Despite having high hopes for this year, the Caps finished in the seventh seed of the Eastern Conference.

Then Vokoun got hurt. Then Neuvirth got hurt. But our unexpected hero, Braden Holtby, emerged. He was pretty good.

We lost the division to a team that didn’t even win half of its games. That really stings.

We went to Boston, slayed the dragon (Chara) and then went to New York.

Despite New York being incapable of winning the cup, we gave them the win in a series that “We should have not lost,” says Karl Alzner. Arguably, we outplayed the Rangers. However, some weak goals, and lack of offensive production ended the season. And this feels like last year again.

Predictions:

-Knuble might have played his last game in the NHL tonight. If he comes back, I expect him to play for the Caps.

-Vokoun is probably going to go to a team that was a borderline contender this year. Or he might go to Columbus.

-Wideman NEEDS TO GO. WOW. HE MUST GO!!!

-Johannson was a playoff goat this season. He should start next year in Hershey to show him that his job is replaceable and he needs to produce to keep it.

-Hunter will return. Obviously.

 

-Holtby will probably take Vokoun’s spot in the goaltending duo. Neuvirth and Holtby will battle it out next season for the starting role, because “they’re battlers.”

-Ovechkin returns to form next season – We hope.

-Backstrom fully recovers from his concussion and has a great season next year.

-Mike Green gets resigned for three or four years. Let’s face it, the Caps need him. We really do.

-And finally: Sasha Semin gets re-signed, and comes back on a two or three year contract. And he deserves it, in my eyes.

This season was a failure, nothing more, nothing less. Beating the Bruins was great, but this is the same result as last year, except we’re a little more pleased, because of the disappointing regular season.

Hunter lied. He’s going home.

Moving on. The Nationals are a pretty good team, eh?

The Rangers “Sucked.” Caps force Game 7.


The Caps did what they needed to: drop feces on the Rangers (figuratively, of course). With the Caps 2-1 win over the New York Drag Queens, the Caps have forced a Game 7. This team has had its backs against the wall for a lot of these playoffs, and there is no reason to think that the Caps won’t win Saturday night. However, at the same time, “it’s a toss up.”

Worth Mentioning:
-Lundqvist? Suckqvist is more like it (he doesn’t really suck, but he sucks). Despite mentioning his ovaries several times and becoming the first woman in the NHL, Lundqvist cannot singlehandedly defeat the Caps.
-Braden Holtby, Semyon Varlamov, Michal Neuvirth. Two of these goalers have defeated the Rangers. Neuvirth did it the fastest, and Holtby is looking to become the third Caps rookie goaler to beat Henrik Lundqvist. Wowzers.

“Yeah, fuck the Rangers, ya know. They aren’t that great, ya know,” said Dale Hunter.

Philly Cheers Jayson Werth Injury, Flyers Eliminated Two Days Later


After Jayson Werth fell and broke possibly the best wrist in the National League, Nationals fans were shocked, confused and┬ádiscouraged. However, Philadelphia found the time to criticize Werth claiming that “He had it coming.” Needless to say, Jayson Werth was pissed off. And I don’t blame him. First, the Phillies try to injure our beloved Bryce Harper, then they attack Werth by hitting a ball towards him. Regardless of the fact that this was Werth’s fault for getting injured, the taunting of the Philly fans is completely ridiculous, uncalled for and straight up Philly-like. Obviously, none of us are surprised that they made fun of an injury to a ball player – something that arguably no other sports city in the world would do. However, cheering an injury in any sport, in any city, in any situation is ridiculous and gutless. I don’t care which team it is, or who it happens to. Players risk injury every day in every sport, and when a player gets hurt, they should expect the fans to be concerned, not cheering.

And then karma struck. We all saw it coming, but we just didn’t know when. The Philadelphia Flyers were eliminated from the NHL postseason this evening at the hands of the New Jersey Satanists. The score was 4-1, the same score of the series. It could be argued that if Phillies fans had not mocked Jayson Werth, the Flyers would have made the 3-1 series comeback. However, because of some idiotic Philly fans in DC the other day, we’ll never know.

 

Here’s what I’m trying to say: It’s all your fault, Philly. Don’t cheer for our Jayson Werth to get hurt, or we’ll send New Jersey after you.

 

On a side note, if the Caps make the series comeback in the next few days, we’d face the New Jersey Devils in the Eastern Conference Finals. If New York wins, they will face the Devils. This should be a good week if the Caps can force a Game 7.

 

Game 6 is in Washington DC on Wednesday night. Be as loud as possible, because if I recall correctly, we’re louder or something.

Jayson Werth makes good on his promise to end Broad Street Celebrations by ending the Flyers season tonight. He is Werth it!