We’ll Put This One On @TheHornGuy – Caps Lose to Winnipeg 4-2


Local Horn person and strip club enthusiast, @TheHornGuy, missed tonight’s home opener for the Caps. You know, the first one he’s missed in a long time. Another related fact: this is the first home opener the Capitals have lost in a very long time. Look, we’re not blaming you, @TheHornGuy, but it’s your fault.

The Caps got the early lead when Matt Hendricks deflected a beautiful shot past Ondrej Fagalec. This is good, because they claim they need the early goal to win. The Winnipeg Jets then scored 4 unanswered goals or something. It was pretty forgettable. Braden Holtby’s and @TheHornGuy’s efforts tonight were inexcusable. Now some may claim Holtby is Jesus Christ reincarnated as a goalie come to save the Washington Capitals, however, tonight he showed signs of being the anti-Christ. Just like on Saturday, Holtby let in some very weak goals. It’s not entirely his fault, because the PK was bad as was the defense, but really, 4 goals to the Winnipeg Jets?!? Shame on you, Holtby, shame on you.

In the third period, the Caps came out strong and outshot the Jets, but at that point it did not matter. With about a minute and a half left in the game, Troy Brouwer shot a beauty past Ondrej Fagalec and then did his best, “Did I do that? No big deal” look.

Notes:

-Ovechkin got oh so close to scoring on the powerplay again tonight. He’ll make it happen eventually – no worries.
-The penalty kill was just as bad as against the Tampa Gay Lightning.
-Braden Holtby gave up 4 goals tonight, making his goals against average 5.00 for the season. That’s a recipe for disaster.
-Michal Neuvirth was a class act on the bench. He didn’t throw his hat or spit on Holtby once during the game. Hopefully, he will be in the crease on Thursday against the league most hated team, the Montreal Canadiens.
-Mike Ribeiro got ejected from the game towards the end. He most likely went up to @TomasVokoun92’s condo in Pittsburgh to party with hookers.
-Matt Hendricks was an assist away from the Gordie Howe hattrick. He had two fights, three shots on goal, and one goal.

The Jets tried to jet in Brouwer's head by displaying their homosexual tendencies on the ice.

The Jets tried to get in Brouwer’s head by displaying their homosexual tendencies on the ice.

So as you can see, tonight’s loss was all @TheHornGuy’s fault. Barring any slip ups or slips down stairs from Neuvirth, Holtby will not be in the crease on Thursday and we will see the rise of Michal Neuvirth from his seat on the bench. Frankly, the Caps’ fanbase is embarrassed and humiliated so far this season. This is unacceptable. Using Russian Machine Never Breaks as an example, we are going to demand items from Ted Leonsis as a way to make it up to us for something he had little control over.

We’ll see you on Thursday.

-Poke Czech

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