Archive for February, 2013

Caps Commit Exorcism on Devils, Win 5-1!

It started much like you probably thought it would: a 0-0 game at the first intermission. Then, everything fell silent and then Ovechkin put the puck in the net! 3 times! Wowza!

“Of course I score goal three time,” Ovechkin said after murdering the Satanists, “I am best goal scorer in league. No surprise.”


-Holtby – a good game. He only gave up one goal, and he was screened for it, so it wasn’t his fault.

-Ovechkin had his first hat trick in two years, and his first one in DC since February 7, 2010! It was only a matter of time.

-Ribeiro has 20+ points now. Still waiting on the apology from @RussianMachine as well.

-Brouwer and Ovechkin are now tied for the lead in goals on the Caps this season. 8 a piece for each of them.

-Kovalchuk scored, but who cares?

“It was a game,” Oates said post-thrashing, “We played hockey, they played. There were penalties.”

The Caps play against the Carolina Tropical Depressions on Tuesday at 7!

-Poke Czech


@RussianMachine: Where’s the Apology?

Weeks ago, towards the start of the season, I wrote an article regarding @RussianMachine’s comments towards fan favorite, Mike Ribeiro. They had written an article claiming that Mike Ribeiro was not living up to the hype and that they didn’t think he was going to produce like he should. At the time, not only was he leading the team in points, but he had been one of the only Caps players consistently producing. Weeks later, he still is! He has been, BY FAR, the best player on the Capitals this season. There is no disputing that. It’s fact.

Me, being the kind, considerate, understanding journalist that I am, kindly offered @RussianMachine a chance to retract the statement and apologize for their harsh words toward Ribs. They ignored the request, thus saying no to the retraction. This is just unacceptable.

UNTIL @RussianMachine issues a retraction, there will be tension towards their blog. We demand that they issue this as soon as possible.

Come on, @RussianMachine! How can you hate a guy wearing this many golden items?

Come on, @RussianMachine! How can you hate a guy wearing this many golden items?

-Poke Czech

Oh, and @TheHornGuy is still a coward. He hides from the truth on Twitter, much like he hides from Verizon Center when the Caps have a bad game or two.

Preview: New Jersey Devils @ Washington Capitals – February 21st, 2013

The Capitals face off tonight against the New Jersey Devils. After the close game where the Caps’ almost came back and won in overtime in New Jersey a few weeks back, one has to think tonight’s game will be really tight.

“I want win games now,” Caps Captain, Alex Ovechkin said during today’s morning skate. “Not enough goals in net from me so far. It is Semin fault. Blame him.” No one knows exactly why Ovechkin was talking about former Capitals player, @BadSasha28, but as long as Ovi plays well tonight, no one will care.

Poke Czech’s Predictions:

-Braden Holtby will start, so the Caps will either have brilliance in net, or absolute stupidity. There is no middle line.

-Alex Ovechkin will have a big game and record 1 goal on the powerplay and an assist as well.

-Mike Ribeiro will continue to prove to George McPhee and the rest of the world that he was an excellent pick up by setting up some key goals.

-The Caps will have a big offensive game after the lackluster effort on Sunday.

-The final score will be 5-3 for the Capitals.

Michal and #TeamNeuvirth are all wondering when he'll start again. We miss representing the Czech Republic.

Michal and #TeamNeuvirth are all wondering when he’ll start again. We miss representing the Czech Republic.

-Poke Czech

Does @WillHussar Belong As CHS Captain?

Many have questioned Courtland High School’s decision to name @WillHussar as their captain of the Floor Hockey Team (@CHSHockeyClub) despite little to no experience in any form of Hockey whatsoever. This is very startling after seeing many other qualified members were turned down for no reasons given.

“I’m just very opposed to this decision. Look at all the previous hockey teams that Will has managed: Last year he never won the Will Cup (named after him) after having 8 chances and only 2 opponents for it, he was also 2-14 for the Wooden Chalice vs one opponent, and his team on NHL 13 (The Casual Body Builders) has been mediocre at best for the past two months. This decision makes no sense, he has a history of losing and leading from behind and now he’s going to do that with our hockey program” -an anonymous high school student at CHS.

“Will Hussar has questionable morals. He would be better suited being captain of the Baltimore Ravens.” @CronkInTheClub

“Will couldn’t lead a trip to Verizon Center and he smells really terrible. Seriously start bathing yourself, fool.”- Anonymous

“I take criticism just like I take positive feedback; I will apply it to my game and try to improve.” @WillHussar (Block Him).

“The people that decided this will regret it until they die. I’d rather have a blind player in a wheelchair leading this team than that jerk”- Anonymous

“Will hussar has not been captain of many things besides the CBB but we will see how he runs this club hopefully everything goes well” @FlyersEatCaps

“He is qualified to lead in a sport that is played in the special Olympics” @PaulHussar

“I must say Will does suck” Anonymous

“As captain of the Cheap Shot Artists, I have first hand knowledge of what it takes to be a captain. Will Hussar does not have enough heart to be captain of The Casual Body Builders, never mind CHS Hockey.” -Gordon Bongbay

Nobody seems to be too confident in @WillHussar to lead this hockey team (even he showed signs of being afraid). Some are predicting that Will must resign after the Teachers Vs Students game that is approaching. We’ll have to wait and see how this turns out but one would have to believe that the leash is very short.


This guy as captain?

Caps Devastate Bolts 4-3; Stamkos Comes Out of Closet

This game started out great for the Caps tonight. They went out and in the first few minutes, the Caps had taken a 1-0 lead thanks to Troy Brouwer! Unfortunately, the Tampa Gay Lightning then tied it up at 1 a piece thanks to some unknown player who plays in Florida. The first period ended in a tie.

The second period was great for the Caps. Eric Fehr scored a beautiful grinder’s goal off two great passes from the Frenchie (#85) and Joel Ward. They went into the third period leading 2-1.

The third period started out great, with the Caps expanding their lead to 4-1. However, with about 8 minutes left in the game, Tampa Gay scored and made it 4-2. Then, Tampa Gay scored again with about 4 minutes left. The score was then 4-3. But that’s all she wrote for Tampa Gay, because the Caps buckled down, told them to get off their ice at their home away from home, and skated off the ice with a win. It was beautiful. I’m pretty sure that somewhere Alex Semin smiled. Not because he likes the Caps, but because Carolina has a division lead and they’d like to expand it. Don’t get your hopes up. Semin did insist on burning his Caps equipment bag, after all.


-Eric Fehr deja vu! Just like in the 2011 Winter Classic (Sit down, Pens fans), Eric Fehr scored two beautiful goals.

-Perreault looked brilliant with his 3 assists. He needed a big game like this to get him going.

-Holtby tried to blow this game by allowing some cheesy goals in the third. Ovechkin promptly kicked him in the eye, and he got on top of his game for the last few minutes en route to a wonderful win.

-Tampa Gay is still called Tampa Gay.

-The Caps have their third win in a row, their fifth win of the season, they are no longer the worst team in the league. Woooo.

The Caps play on Sunday against the New York Power Rangers riding a three game winning streak.

-Poke Czech

Preview: Washington Capitals At Tampa Bay Lightning

Sorry guys, @WillHussar stole all our notes for tonight’s game. Please block him on twitter. Go Caps.

Pants Go Back To Old Tricks; Caps Win in OT 6-5

The Florida Panther’s mascot, the OT-Rickster re-emerged tonight. She(?) appears whenever the Pants make it to OT, but fail to win (which happens a lot in Sunrise). “It felt good to be fucking good,” Troy Brouwer said after winning the game, “I wasn’t going to lose to this shitty team, so I had to score.”


-Holtby looked like Suckby again. You never know if you will get #GoodHoltby or #BadHoltby. Personally, I’m #TeamNeuvirth.

-Ribeiro had his 6th multi point game of the season. He had 1 goal, and 2 assists tonight. What a game! And Russian Machine Never Breaks still hasn’t issued their apology! Wow!! What jerks, am I right?!

-Ovechkin had two points tonight, and silently has put together a 5 game point streak in which he has 3 goals and 4 assists.

-Perreault continued his streak of trying to screw the Caps with penalties tonight. Frenchie to the box.

We knew he could do it and he did. Ovechkin scored the game tying goal in the 3rd. #OvechkinErection

We knew he could do it and he did. Ovechkin scored the game tying goal in the 3rd. #OvechkinErection

The Caps take on Tampa Gay on Thursday. It shall be good.

-Poke Czech