Archive for April, 2012

Caps to Face Rangers…… Déjà Vu.

The Rangers eliminated the frightening Ottawa Senators this evening to eliminate Canada from the playoffs and set up the Caps second round series. New York Rangers versus Washington Capitals. Now forgive me if I’m incorrect, but haven’t we seen this already? And haven’t the Caps ended the Rangers season two out of the last three years (excluding this year)?


Are we still louder?

Does MSG still suck?

Will Jason take Manhattan again?

Will Sasha continue to be the man?

Braden Holtby. We have no questions.

Will Ovi produce?

All of these questions and more will be answered in a matter of days.



-Expect all of the “experts” to pick the Rangers over the Caps, however, didn’t they pick the Bruins over the Caps also? In fact, the Caps were projected to be swept. Weird.

-This will most likely be a tough series. The Poke Czech official simulation will be up soon.

“We’re ready to be beaten. We’ve accepted it,” Ryan Callahan of the Rangers said, “We just can’t beat the Caps and we need to make peace with that.” Ryan Callahan is getting ahead of himself. This will be a tough series, no matter what he thinks, and there’s no clear winner – in fact, you might say the Caps are “the underdogs.” (the last time the Caps were called the underdogs, they did this).

-Poke Czech

Alexander Semin celebrates doing something that pissed off the Rangers.


Joel Ward Gets It Done – Caps Take Series 4-3

“You know, I’m sorry for hitting you, bitch,” Tim Thomas, Bruins goalie and renowned Republican, said to Backstrom while shaking his hand, “Maybe if you were a man, I could hit you and get mad when you retaliate and then send my goons after you.”

Yes — it’s true. The Caps defeated the Big, Disgusting Bruins. And we predicted it, so anyone who doesn’t think this is a credible blog is now wrong and/or a Bruins fan.

“We got it fuckin’ done, ya know,” Dale Hunter said, “I told Ward that if he didn’t score, he was off the team. Simple as that.”

Despite being the huge underdogs in this series for no apparent reasons, the Caps came out victorious. And set records, but more on that later.

Worth Noting:

-Mike Knuble and Joel Ward don’t suck anymore – it’s the playoffs now.

-Matt Hendricks’ and his beard gave the Caps the early lead, which they blew. It didn’t matter though. We won.

-Braden Holtby was solid. To address rumors: I said he sucked because he was inconsistent, and at the time, he was inconsistent, so yeah.


Where's Thomas? We don't know, but two places he is not located at is the goaltending crease or the White House.

-Poke Czech

Theory: Washington is the only team that can beat the Big, Disgusting Bruins

I know what you’re thinking: this is the best theory ever. Despite being the favorites to win the series on Wednesday, the Caps have a huge challenge at hand: preventing the Bruins from being repeat Stanley Cup Champions.

Here’s my logic: everyone besides the LA Kings, Boston Bruins, Washington Capitals and Philadelphia Flyers suck.

The way Round 1 has gone, Round 2 is looking like this:

-If the Caps win on Wednesday:

-Round 2-

#3 Florida versus #8 Ottawa

#5 Philadelphia versus #7 Washington

Having common sense, I know that Florida will not advance past this round. While Philly is tough, their goaltending humongously sucks and their defense is subpar.

Which leaves the Eastern Conference Final as this:

-Round 3-

#7 Washington hosting #8 Ottawa.

Playing two tough series against Boston and Philly earns the Caps a fairly easy Eastern Conference Final matchup.

Obviously, the Caps will win. The Caps will make the Stanley Cup finals IF they beat Boston.

-If the Caps lose on Wednesday:

-Round 2-

#2 Boston versus #8 Ottawa

#3 Florida versus #5 Philadelphia

Obviously Boston and Philly are moving on here, because Ottawa and Florida suck. I mean, they REALLYYYYYY suck.

-Round 3-

#2 Boston versus #5 Philadelphia

Boston is moving on here, let’s be honest. Claude Giroux can only play good for so long before he crumbles.

Oh, and Ilya Bryzgalov will choke. He’ll ALMOST blow the series against Florida, but Florida will choke in Game 7 blowing a 2-0 lead in the third period. Regardless, Ilya will never recover, and he’ll continue to choke against Boston, having Boston win in 6 games.

So, as you can see here, whoever wins on Wednesday will be the Eastern Conference Champion.

And who should we be concerned about on the West Coast?

Nashville, LA or Phoenix. St. Louis earns no respect, and rightfully so. Personally, I see Nashville moving on to the Stanley Cup, but LA or Phoenix will probably beat up on them first, significantly weakening them.

In this scenario, Boston or Washington will beat Nashville for the Stanley Cup.

Zdeno Chara or Alex Ovechkin will hoist the Stanley Cup this season.

“Yeah, if I can’t win it, I really fucking want the Caps to win it. They are a great team. I kinda feel bad we tried to hit Backstrom’s head, but fuck it, it’s the playoffs,” Zdeno Chara said after the Bruins Game 6 win in Washington.

Some Bruins player attempts to play footsie with Marcus Johansson.

“It’s like a Game 7, but it actually is this time.”

The Caps lost in OT today, so the Caps will face off in Boston on Wednesday for Game 7. The series has been as close as it could have been so far, and so it comes down to the last game.


Worth Noting:

-Ovechkin has been pretty consistent throughout this series – he has 2G, 3A, 5Pts.

-Holtby has been good as well.

-Semin. He’s playing good – who cares if it’s because he wants a contract.

-Backstrom is playing well as well, excluding today’s blooper.


Anyway, if the Caps’ Stanley Cup chances are to continue, they must win on Wednesday. They have all of Washington DC behind them. And STD Garden, as well as Boston, smell pretty bad, so we can expect a small crowd for Game 7.

Backstrom Suspended 1 Game For Defending Himself

Washington Capitals center Nicklas Backstrom is suspended 1 game for defending himself. Despite having multiple shots to his own head, Shanahan has decided that, as a member of the Caps, Backstrom has no right to defend himself.

“As you can see here, my wife doesn’t put out,” Mentioned Shanaban, “Backstrom skates into the zone, bangs some hot Swedish chick, and makes me jealous. For this, Backstrom is suspended. Fuck the Caps. I’m not biased.”

Join the revolution. Shanaban will be no more!

Wideman Blows Chance to Take Early Series Lead

Despite shutting down Boston for nearly all of the game, Boston won 1-0. It was close, and it proves that this series should be a good one.

“I’m so fucking pissed at myself,” said Caps goaltender, Braden Holtby, “I could have stopped that fucking shot. I’m going to get drunk tonight, reflect on my game tomorrow and improve for Saturday.”



-Nothing happened until OT.

-Ovi had a great chance.

-Then the Bruins had a semi-breakaway (Thanks to Wideman) and capitalized. I guess they really do want him to “get the fuck out of the city.”


Worth Noting:

-Despite the refs best efforts, the game was close.

-Boston had 10 minutes of questionable powerplay time.

-Washington had six minutes of powerplay time, and should have had more.

-The Bruins got away with a lot of cheap stuff, like the hit from behind on Chimera after a play. But I digress.



Tim Thomas attempts to seduce Braden Holtby.

Remember, Caps fans, it’s a long series. And if Tim Thomas is distracted by Holtby’s haircut, it could work in our favor.


Game 2 is on Saturday at 3:00 in Boston.

-Poke Czech

Capitals vs Bruins – Game 1 Video


-Poke Czech